Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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