Just cropdusted the office
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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