how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
