It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize