He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
