I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
