new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
