So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
