There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
