and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize