i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
