God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize