me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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