the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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