why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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