Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
