dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
