Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
