I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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