I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
