babies were throwing up all over the place
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
