she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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