before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
