dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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