I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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