i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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