His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
