He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
