Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
