I smell stomach acid.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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