I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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