32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
