here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize