clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
