how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
