Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
