Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
