Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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