Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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