oh god the rape fog is back!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
