don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
