It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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