every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
