girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
