What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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