Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
from now on my penis is your penis
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
