I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Its about making memories worth repressing
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
