you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
