So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
