New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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