I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
