Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
