I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you would pick up someone in the library
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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