Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
