On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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