She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
