I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize