Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
