We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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