office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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