I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize