is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
