Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
