I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
