I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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