He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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