i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
