I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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