I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
