I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
