wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
